how do you fight a monster?

how do you fight the monster, when the monster lives inside of you? this is the question that i've been dealing with for the last couple of weeks. i apologize for taking so long to post this one, but it's been a wild ride. so, here goes.

the answer is simple. you fight the monster one battle at a time. one day at a time. until it is defeated.

people have always seen me as the "happy" guy. the guy who has it all together. the strong one. people think that since i am a preacher, that i surely must have it all together, and never really struggle because my faith must be so strong. surely, i am beyond being shaken, right?

the truth is, you never know what someone is going through. you can never realize the pain of the fight that someone right next to you is wrestling with. unless they admit it.

if i am to be a minister, then, i must be honest with those that i minister to. beneath the armor of God that i wear, beats the heart of a man. over these last couple of months, i have been waging war with my own darkest weakness. God had revealed to me that there was an area of my life that i had tried to lock up and hide, even from Him. this has been like a cancer, eating at the very core of my soul for the last 15 years. a darkness in my heart. a monster living within me, trying to fight it's way to the surface.

in the past, this monster would show up briefly, but i was always able to beat it back down within a matter of days. (no, i'm not naming the monster for you, that is between myself, my God, and my wife, all of who are helping me in this fight) but this time, i couldn't fight it back alone. it had me wrapped in the darkness of bitterness and hate. yeah, hate. if you can imagine that from me.

my wife has been a blessing to me. i've tried so hard to protect her from this, but in truth, i could never have defeated it without her help. the bible says in proverbs 18:22 "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD." how true is that?

so many times, we feel like we have to fight this fight on our own. don't ever let 'em see ya sweat!!!! fake it till ya make it??? but doesn't the bible tell us in Eccl. 4:9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.
Ecc 4:10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth for he hath not another to help him up.
Ecc 4:11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
Ecc 4:12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

i have a difficult time, sometimes, admiting that i need help. even asking for a friend to pray for me is a sign that i've gone to the very end of my ability to fight. i'd like to thank my friends who i asked to, for praying for me. it is my honest belief, that if you had not prayed for me, i may have said or done something that i could never have gotten back, destroying all hope of a peaceful victory.

so, how do you fight a monster, when the monster lives inside of you?

with everything you have. and with the help of those who love you. and when you don't have anything left to give, remember the words of the Lord to paul in 2Co 12:9 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

i've heard it said that christianity is a crutch. ya know what. i'll take that. a crutch is for someone who is broken. guess what, we are. all of us. the question is, will you take your crutch and walk through this world, or just lay down and die? the choice is yours.

as for me, i'm going to walk on.

God bless

theoldmusicbox