ok, how many times have you heard that one? it has to be the number one response that people give when they're feeling convicted over their lifestyle choices.
they say things like, "hey, it's my life, i'm not hurting anyone, and if i want to do this, it's only affecting me." yeah. right.
have you ever read the book of jonah? if not, you should check it out. you see, God wanted jonah to preach repentance to the city of Nineveh. jonah didn't like them. (if you read it, you'll see that he ran from God's call because he knew that God would be merciful to them if they repented, and he wanted them to be destroyed)
so jonah ran from God's call. he boarded a ship destined for (what they believed at the time) the end of the earth. while off to sea, they found themselves in a furious storm that threatened to sink the ship. they unloaded the cargo into the sea. they all cried out to their god's. they woke jonah up and told him to ask God for help. that's when they found out that jonah was the cause for the storm.
they asked what could be done and jonah said "throw me off the ship". they wouldn't do it at first. they tried and tried to row the boat to shore but at last gave up and threw him into the sea.
now, let me ask you something. did jonah's disobedience to God only affect him? no. it affected not only jonah, but everyone around him. AND the people who were waiting for the cargo that had to be thrown overboard. AND the people of Nineveh.
NOW, let me ask you something else. who does your disobedience affect? sure, it affects you. but it also affects everyone around you. things that you shouldn't be involved in affect all of those involved. people that you may never know or meet can be affected because you "just checked it out". not to mention those whose lives could have been changed if you had only been obedient to God's voice.
i realize that we all suffer from O.D.D. (obedience deficit disorder) at times. and need a good shot of spiritual ritalin to get us back in line. well, here it is. if our disobedience can have such a negative affect on everyone around us, then that means in turn that our OBEDIENCE must also have a positive affect on those around us.
when jonah finally got out of the fishes belly, he ran to Nineveh and preached the revival of a lifetime and the entire city got saved!!!!! wow. just imagine that. because of one man's obedience, and ENTIRE city was saved!
so hey, after all, it's your life. now, what are you going to do with it?
much love
theoldmusicbox
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
theology from the backseat of a mini-van
wow. i can't believe it. on wednesday, my son turned 10 years old. double digits!!!
anyway, this year we decided to give my son a choice. he could either have a party like usual, or, he could do something cool with a friend. he decided to do something cool with a friend.
have you ever just listened to the conversations that your children have? i'm not talking about eavesdropping. i mean just listened while they talk to someone their own age. i got to do that this weekend.
my son desperately wanted to go to the dayton art institute to see the roman world exhibit. so for his birthday, we took him and a friend to see it. when we picked up his friend, also a 9 year old boy, we were listening to the radio. k-love. the song "so long self" by mercyme was playing. the 2 boys then went into a 10 minute discussion on what the song was actually about. i must say, as a parent, i was very happy to listen to the conversation. i didn't know the boys family very well. he was on my son's soccer team. but it was so cool to find that this was the type of kid my son choose to be friends with.
anyway, after about 10 minutes the boys decided that the song was about choosing to be a christian and telling satan that he wasn't allowed in your life anymore. i decided not to join the conversation. i wanted to hear how they would come to their decision. it was humorous in some spots, and almost tear-jerking in others, to hear how they came to their conclusions.
i don't think i spoke more than once or twice all the way to the museum. i was too wrapped up in listening.
many times, we worry about the future. we wonder how much to shelter our children. we struggle between the fine line of protecting them from the world and hiding them from it. the truth of the matter is this. one day, my son will have to choose for himself. he will have to decide between the world and eternity. good vs evil. God vs satan. and i won't be there to take him by the hand. i have to trust that i've done the job entrusted to me. that i've taught him to make those decisions on his own. man. that scares me. but the truth is, at some point, we have to give them the chance to make choices.
i like to ask my son about my lessons on sunday morning. sometimes, it's really funny to hear what he gets from my teaching. and it never fails, he always adds something that i didn't think of. i told him i'm going to have to run things by him before i give them. before long, i think he's going to be asking me what i think of his ideas for sermons.
wouldn't that be cool
much love
theoldmusicbox
anyway, this year we decided to give my son a choice. he could either have a party like usual, or, he could do something cool with a friend. he decided to do something cool with a friend.
have you ever just listened to the conversations that your children have? i'm not talking about eavesdropping. i mean just listened while they talk to someone their own age. i got to do that this weekend.
my son desperately wanted to go to the dayton art institute to see the roman world exhibit. so for his birthday, we took him and a friend to see it. when we picked up his friend, also a 9 year old boy, we were listening to the radio. k-love. the song "so long self" by mercyme was playing. the 2 boys then went into a 10 minute discussion on what the song was actually about. i must say, as a parent, i was very happy to listen to the conversation. i didn't know the boys family very well. he was on my son's soccer team. but it was so cool to find that this was the type of kid my son choose to be friends with.
anyway, after about 10 minutes the boys decided that the song was about choosing to be a christian and telling satan that he wasn't allowed in your life anymore. i decided not to join the conversation. i wanted to hear how they would come to their decision. it was humorous in some spots, and almost tear-jerking in others, to hear how they came to their conclusions.
i don't think i spoke more than once or twice all the way to the museum. i was too wrapped up in listening.
many times, we worry about the future. we wonder how much to shelter our children. we struggle between the fine line of protecting them from the world and hiding them from it. the truth of the matter is this. one day, my son will have to choose for himself. he will have to decide between the world and eternity. good vs evil. God vs satan. and i won't be there to take him by the hand. i have to trust that i've done the job entrusted to me. that i've taught him to make those decisions on his own. man. that scares me. but the truth is, at some point, we have to give them the chance to make choices.
i like to ask my son about my lessons on sunday morning. sometimes, it's really funny to hear what he gets from my teaching. and it never fails, he always adds something that i didn't think of. i told him i'm going to have to run things by him before i give them. before long, i think he's going to be asking me what i think of his ideas for sermons.
wouldn't that be cool
much love
theoldmusicbox
Friday, January 4, 2008
where is God?
ok, here's the deal. if you've read my stuff lately, you kinda know some of the things i've been dealing with. since i asked the questions "why" last week, i felt like i needed to continue on that vein this week. if nothing else, just to show everyone that i am, in fact, ok.
where is God?
how many times have you been asked that question? how many times have you asked it yourself?
the truth of the matter is, that we all have those moments. you know the ones. when we have borne all that we feel like we can bear. when we have finally come to the end of ourself. when we finally cry out, "dear God!!!! can you hear me????? are you there?? are you listening??
even one of my favorite bible heroes had that feeling. elijah the prophet hid in a cave, scared and trembling because he feared men. then elisha the prophet, after elijah was taken in the chariot of fire. he felt abandoned. in 2nd kings chapter 2. he took the mantel of elijah and hit the waters and said "where is the God of elijah?"
isn't it amazing. after everything that elijah and elisha had witnessed. raising of dead children. fire from heaven. among other things. they doubted the very presence of God in their lives at times. did that make them any less of a man of God? no. it made them human.
i am trying to put a video up here. i don't know if it will work, or if it is just a link. if it doesn't work, go to youtube and search for joshua bell, it will be the first one that comes up. check it out. then finish reading.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnOPu0_YWhw
the violinist is joshua bell. he is the 1 violinist in the country, possibly the world. the violin he is playing was made in the early 1700's. it is worth over 3.5 million dollars. the cheap seats to his concert sell for $100. after the subway he played a sold out concert.
in the subway, he was barely noticed at all. he played for 45 minutes and people thought that he was a street player and in 45 minutes people placed less than $35 in his violin case! this man usually receives $1000 a minute to perform. and almost all of the people in the subway that day didn't even notice him.
it is just like that with God. we have something truly amazing right within our grasp. right here where we are. trying desperately to reach out to us. and what do we do? we turn away. act like we don't see. don't hear. why? because we know that if we look, if we notice, it may just cost us something. the people that noticed mr. bell recieved a concert that would have cost several hundred dollars. for spare change they had in their pockets. and received a few moments of beautiful music.
but if we would just open our eyes to the amazing God who is in our reach, it may cost us our lives, but it will win us eternity.
just remember, when you feel like God is nowhere to be found, He may just be right in front of your eyes. desperately trying to get your attention.
much love
theoldmusicbox
where is God?
how many times have you been asked that question? how many times have you asked it yourself?
the truth of the matter is, that we all have those moments. you know the ones. when we have borne all that we feel like we can bear. when we have finally come to the end of ourself. when we finally cry out, "dear God!!!! can you hear me????? are you there?? are you listening??
even one of my favorite bible heroes had that feeling. elijah the prophet hid in a cave, scared and trembling because he feared men. then elisha the prophet, after elijah was taken in the chariot of fire. he felt abandoned. in 2nd kings chapter 2. he took the mantel of elijah and hit the waters and said "where is the God of elijah?"
isn't it amazing. after everything that elijah and elisha had witnessed. raising of dead children. fire from heaven. among other things. they doubted the very presence of God in their lives at times. did that make them any less of a man of God? no. it made them human.
i am trying to put a video up here. i don't know if it will work, or if it is just a link. if it doesn't work, go to youtube and search for joshua bell, it will be the first one that comes up. check it out. then finish reading.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnOPu0_YWhw
the violinist is joshua bell. he is the 1 violinist in the country, possibly the world. the violin he is playing was made in the early 1700's. it is worth over 3.5 million dollars. the cheap seats to his concert sell for $100. after the subway he played a sold out concert.
in the subway, he was barely noticed at all. he played for 45 minutes and people thought that he was a street player and in 45 minutes people placed less than $35 in his violin case! this man usually receives $1000 a minute to perform. and almost all of the people in the subway that day didn't even notice him.
it is just like that with God. we have something truly amazing right within our grasp. right here where we are. trying desperately to reach out to us. and what do we do? we turn away. act like we don't see. don't hear. why? because we know that if we look, if we notice, it may just cost us something. the people that noticed mr. bell recieved a concert that would have cost several hundred dollars. for spare change they had in their pockets. and received a few moments of beautiful music.
but if we would just open our eyes to the amazing God who is in our reach, it may cost us our lives, but it will win us eternity.
just remember, when you feel like God is nowhere to be found, He may just be right in front of your eyes. desperately trying to get your attention.
much love
theoldmusicbox
Friday, December 28, 2007
why?
why? why me? why us? why does this have to happen now?
ever asked any of these questions? i know i have. and, i'm going to be honest with you. i don't have the answers. in fact, for the most part, i'm not any closer to the truth than i was 15 years ago.
here's the deal. about 4 weeks ago, we discovered that my wife is pregnant. this was unplanned. a total shock. we actually had just decided for me to make an appointment to end the possibility. we even sold the high chair. (dang) at first, i was asking God, why? why now? this is terrible timing. i mean really, i'll be like 53 years old when this one graduates. i was half way done!!!!!
ok, i have to admit, after the shock wore off, i was excited. happy. even kinda stupid-new-dad-giddy! and the reality started to sink in.
then, on wednesday night, my wife started having some bleeding issues. i quickly did the math, she is now 9 weeks pregnant. that is how far she was when we lost our first daughter. we called the doctor and they set up an ultrasound for thursday.
when we got in, they brought it up on the screen. i saw 2. the first thought that i had was, WOW, OMG!!!!! how do twins get through birth control? then, i noticed that i couldn't find a heartbeat. and also that 1 was much smaller than the other.
well, we were givin the news. we were going to have twins, but 1 of them didn't make it. it just wasn't strong enough. but the other was strong and healthy. finally got to see the heartbeat!!!!!!
so, this is where i am now. how am i suppose to feel? i'm heartbroken about the one, but rejoicing for the other.
in my thoughts over the last few weeks, here are some of the things on my mind. i have a good friend at work who has been trying to have a 2nd baby for the last 2 years. his lovely wife has endured 5 miscarriages in those 2 years. also, my dear friend jen, has been unable to carry a baby, and has had to have a hystorectomy, so will never be able to. even though she has an adopted daughter (who is ALL hers) she can't give birth to one. and here we are, pregnant, by accident. how do you explain this? why me, and not them. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining. i'm just saying, it doesn't make sense to the human mind.
all of my life, i've heard things like "if God is so good, why does He let bad things happen to good people?".
well, the only thoughts i have are these. we live in a fallen world. there will be pain. there will be heartache. death, sickness, disappointments. the bible tells us that God sends rain on the just and the unjust.
you see, God never promised to keep us from pain and dissappointment. in fact He promised in his word "many are the afflictions of the righteous" (bet you won't find that in your bible promises booklet) but he also said "but the Lord will deliver them from them all". i would rather have 1,000,000 afflictions with God's deliverance than to have 1 to deal with on my own.
if you've never heard it before, i suggest that you listen to Natalie Grant's song "held". if your hurting, there is healing in it for you. it says, "when everything fails, we'll be held"
sometimes, if you're honest, when you're hurting, all you really want is to be held while you cry.
thank God for arms to hold us. i know that i've been cradled in them alot lately. and ya know, there is room for you here too.
much love
theoldmusicbox
ever asked any of these questions? i know i have. and, i'm going to be honest with you. i don't have the answers. in fact, for the most part, i'm not any closer to the truth than i was 15 years ago.
here's the deal. about 4 weeks ago, we discovered that my wife is pregnant. this was unplanned. a total shock. we actually had just decided for me to make an appointment to end the possibility. we even sold the high chair. (dang) at first, i was asking God, why? why now? this is terrible timing. i mean really, i'll be like 53 years old when this one graduates. i was half way done!!!!!
ok, i have to admit, after the shock wore off, i was excited. happy. even kinda stupid-new-dad-giddy! and the reality started to sink in.
then, on wednesday night, my wife started having some bleeding issues. i quickly did the math, she is now 9 weeks pregnant. that is how far she was when we lost our first daughter. we called the doctor and they set up an ultrasound for thursday.
when we got in, they brought it up on the screen. i saw 2. the first thought that i had was, WOW, OMG!!!!! how do twins get through birth control? then, i noticed that i couldn't find a heartbeat. and also that 1 was much smaller than the other.
well, we were givin the news. we were going to have twins, but 1 of them didn't make it. it just wasn't strong enough. but the other was strong and healthy. finally got to see the heartbeat!!!!!!
so, this is where i am now. how am i suppose to feel? i'm heartbroken about the one, but rejoicing for the other.
in my thoughts over the last few weeks, here are some of the things on my mind. i have a good friend at work who has been trying to have a 2nd baby for the last 2 years. his lovely wife has endured 5 miscarriages in those 2 years. also, my dear friend jen, has been unable to carry a baby, and has had to have a hystorectomy, so will never be able to. even though she has an adopted daughter (who is ALL hers) she can't give birth to one. and here we are, pregnant, by accident. how do you explain this? why me, and not them. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining. i'm just saying, it doesn't make sense to the human mind.
all of my life, i've heard things like "if God is so good, why does He let bad things happen to good people?".
well, the only thoughts i have are these. we live in a fallen world. there will be pain. there will be heartache. death, sickness, disappointments. the bible tells us that God sends rain on the just and the unjust.
you see, God never promised to keep us from pain and dissappointment. in fact He promised in his word "many are the afflictions of the righteous" (bet you won't find that in your bible promises booklet) but he also said "but the Lord will deliver them from them all". i would rather have 1,000,000 afflictions with God's deliverance than to have 1 to deal with on my own.
if you've never heard it before, i suggest that you listen to Natalie Grant's song "held". if your hurting, there is healing in it for you. it says, "when everything fails, we'll be held"
sometimes, if you're honest, when you're hurting, all you really want is to be held while you cry.
thank God for arms to hold us. i know that i've been cradled in them alot lately. and ya know, there is room for you here too.
much love
theoldmusicbox
Sunday, December 9, 2007
it's your choice!
hey musiclovers! long time, no blog. sorry. lots o stuff been goin on. for those of you that don't know, i'm gonna be a daddy again.
ok. enough of that stuff. it's time to get down to what you came for, so drop your dimes, press your selection, and let the jukebox of life shine a lil sunshine on your day.
today, i want to talk about a verse of scripture that is soooooo often misinterpreted and misunderstood and misquoted, that folks don't even seem to truly know what the bible was even saying in it. even i myself have misunderstood this one for years. but God has recently opened my eyes to a neat revelation and i'm ready to share it with ya.
1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
ok, honestly. how many times have you heard someone say, or even said yourself, "GOD WILL NEVER PUT MORE ON YOU THAN YOU CAN BEAR". i've said it at least a million times. but, that isn't what this verse is saying. it is saying that God will not allow you to be TEMPTED above what you can bear. you see, there is a difference between affliction and temptation.
don't get me wrong. i'm not saying that God will allow you to go through something that He can't deliver you from. i believe that He said that He would give His angels charge over us, that He would hide us in the cleft of the rock, that lo, He is with us always even to the ends of the earth. all i am saying is that there is a really cool fact of life hidden in this verse.
think about it. how many times have you ACCIDENTALLY sinned? how many times have you ACCIDENTALLY betrayed your Christian beliefs? how many times have you ACCIDENTALLY done something that later on, you found yourself at the alter repenting for? the answer is simply NEVER!
you see, sin is a choice that we make. we chose to disobey. we chose to lie. we chose to fornicate. we chose to do whatever it is that is sin in our lives. the verse says that we won't be "tempted above that ye are able, but will with the temptation also make a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." lets take a look at that ok? think about it. every time you come to that crossroads, what do you have? you have that voice in your head saying "HEY STUPID, YOU'RE ABOUT TO CROSS THE LINE!!!!!" and what do you do? you say, aww not this time, or, it'll be ok. or, my personal favorite, "this is the last time. after this, i'll never do it again" but you know what? in that moment before you fall, God is making that way of escape for you!!! God himself, has filled you with the Holy Spirit. and it is the Holy Spirit talking to you saying "HEY!!!!! TURN AROUND!!!! DON'T GO IN THERE!!!!" sometimes, i kindof picture the Holy Spirit being like someone that goes to see a horror movie. there He is, in your brain eatin popcorn, watchin you go into those places you shouldn't be. and He's screaming "DON'T GO IN THERE!! YOU'RE GONNA GET KILLED IF YOU GO IN THERE!!!" and what do we do? just like the idiots in those movies, we go down in the basement where the monsters are hiding waiting to attack us.
i'm not trying to heap shame on you. trust me, after the last few months of my life, i have no shame to call out except my own. all i'm trying to do is open your eyes like mine have been open. ever since this revelation hit me, i have ESCAPED from a temptation that i once thought that i was POWERLESS to avoid. all i want, is to give you the truth, and pray that, as it did for me, it will set you free.
love to all.
God bless.
theoldmusicbox
ok. enough of that stuff. it's time to get down to what you came for, so drop your dimes, press your selection, and let the jukebox of life shine a lil sunshine on your day.
today, i want to talk about a verse of scripture that is soooooo often misinterpreted and misunderstood and misquoted, that folks don't even seem to truly know what the bible was even saying in it. even i myself have misunderstood this one for years. but God has recently opened my eyes to a neat revelation and i'm ready to share it with ya.
1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
ok, honestly. how many times have you heard someone say, or even said yourself, "GOD WILL NEVER PUT MORE ON YOU THAN YOU CAN BEAR". i've said it at least a million times. but, that isn't what this verse is saying. it is saying that God will not allow you to be TEMPTED above what you can bear. you see, there is a difference between affliction and temptation.
don't get me wrong. i'm not saying that God will allow you to go through something that He can't deliver you from. i believe that He said that He would give His angels charge over us, that He would hide us in the cleft of the rock, that lo, He is with us always even to the ends of the earth. all i am saying is that there is a really cool fact of life hidden in this verse.
think about it. how many times have you ACCIDENTALLY sinned? how many times have you ACCIDENTALLY betrayed your Christian beliefs? how many times have you ACCIDENTALLY done something that later on, you found yourself at the alter repenting for? the answer is simply NEVER!
you see, sin is a choice that we make. we chose to disobey. we chose to lie. we chose to fornicate. we chose to do whatever it is that is sin in our lives. the verse says that we won't be "tempted above that ye are able, but will with the temptation also make a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." lets take a look at that ok? think about it. every time you come to that crossroads, what do you have? you have that voice in your head saying "HEY STUPID, YOU'RE ABOUT TO CROSS THE LINE!!!!!" and what do you do? you say, aww not this time, or, it'll be ok. or, my personal favorite, "this is the last time. after this, i'll never do it again" but you know what? in that moment before you fall, God is making that way of escape for you!!! God himself, has filled you with the Holy Spirit. and it is the Holy Spirit talking to you saying "HEY!!!!! TURN AROUND!!!! DON'T GO IN THERE!!!!" sometimes, i kindof picture the Holy Spirit being like someone that goes to see a horror movie. there He is, in your brain eatin popcorn, watchin you go into those places you shouldn't be. and He's screaming "DON'T GO IN THERE!! YOU'RE GONNA GET KILLED IF YOU GO IN THERE!!!" and what do we do? just like the idiots in those movies, we go down in the basement where the monsters are hiding waiting to attack us.
i'm not trying to heap shame on you. trust me, after the last few months of my life, i have no shame to call out except my own. all i'm trying to do is open your eyes like mine have been open. ever since this revelation hit me, i have ESCAPED from a temptation that i once thought that i was POWERLESS to avoid. all i want, is to give you the truth, and pray that, as it did for me, it will set you free.
love to all.
God bless.
theoldmusicbox
Saturday, November 10, 2007
face to face with the monster
hey guys.
before i begin, i need to say a few things. i know that i've been asking for prayer for the last 3 months, and not been able to give many details. let me explain. this monster that i have been fighting, was a very personal matter that involved more than just myself. that is why i can't give details about it. to do that would deeply hurt someone, and that, i cannot do, so i ask for your forgiveness and patience.
for a long time now, i have had serious issues with a certain person. God has been dealing with my heart about this for sometime. i have tried to be forgiving, i have tried to let the past be in the past. i have tried all that i know to do. but deep inside of me, lies bitterness and hatred, and hurt that, no matter how hard i tried, i just couldn't be freed from. it seemed that no matter how desperately i prayed or how sincere i was in my resolve, i just couldn't be free.
i know what you're thinking, "hey, you're a minister. how can you be like that?" well, honestly, i've asked myself the same thing many times. some hurts go so deep that no matter how godly you are, you still struggle with grace, mercy and forgiveness. what can i say? Oh wretched man that i am? i'm not trying to justify myself. but, i am saying that i'm not trying to hold on to these things. i desperately want to be free from it. and i appreciate everyone's prayers.
now, i have to ask all of my friends. which one of you was praying for me between 6 and 7 p.m. on friday night Nov. 9?
on friday night, my family and i went out to celebrate my birthday (it's actually on this coming wednesday, but we're busy that night). when we got to the resteraunt, we signed in and stood off to the side to wait to be seated. right then, the object of my torment came in. then stood next to me.
my heart fell to the floor. there i was with my wife and children. all i wanted to do was to reach out and, well, i don't really know what i wanted to do. but i'm sure it wouldn't have reflected well on my good christian name.
then, the host was nice enough to seat us in such a place that when i looked up from my table, i was face to face with the monster that i have been wrestling with. i decided to go to the restroom. then, realized that to do this, i had to go right past him.
it took a few minutes to restore myself. when i came back, my wife asked if we should go. but i told her no because i really felt that God had to be doing something, because it had been about 10 years since the last time. have you ever wondered why God thinks you are stronger than you do?
anyway, they left. my family and i tried to finish the evening in better moods.
later that night, lying in bed. my wife and i cried and prayed together. i really can't express how much stronger she makes me. but today, i woke up feeling like a new man.
i must say, i think with some degree of certainty, that if the monster isn't dead, he has definately been defeated. i think that the only way to win, was for God to put me face to face. i had to see for myself that he couldn't hurt me anymore. had to know that i was safe. that my family was safe.
there are a lot of things that have to be left out to protect others. many things said and done that would help you to understand. but just know this. i could not have won this battle without your help. i could never have come face to face with the monster and walked out unscathed if i hadn't had friends praying for me. i believe that the battle is over. i believe that victory is finally mine. i believe that the effectual ferverant prayers of the righteous have availed much. i believe that i have true friends who each kept their words and prayed for me, that God would give me strength. and i am more thankful to you than words could ever express.
i have finally come face to face with the monster, and i am no longer afraid.
i love you all.
God bless.
O.
before i begin, i need to say a few things. i know that i've been asking for prayer for the last 3 months, and not been able to give many details. let me explain. this monster that i have been fighting, was a very personal matter that involved more than just myself. that is why i can't give details about it. to do that would deeply hurt someone, and that, i cannot do, so i ask for your forgiveness and patience.
for a long time now, i have had serious issues with a certain person. God has been dealing with my heart about this for sometime. i have tried to be forgiving, i have tried to let the past be in the past. i have tried all that i know to do. but deep inside of me, lies bitterness and hatred, and hurt that, no matter how hard i tried, i just couldn't be freed from. it seemed that no matter how desperately i prayed or how sincere i was in my resolve, i just couldn't be free.
i know what you're thinking, "hey, you're a minister. how can you be like that?" well, honestly, i've asked myself the same thing many times. some hurts go so deep that no matter how godly you are, you still struggle with grace, mercy and forgiveness. what can i say? Oh wretched man that i am? i'm not trying to justify myself. but, i am saying that i'm not trying to hold on to these things. i desperately want to be free from it. and i appreciate everyone's prayers.
now, i have to ask all of my friends. which one of you was praying for me between 6 and 7 p.m. on friday night Nov. 9?
on friday night, my family and i went out to celebrate my birthday (it's actually on this coming wednesday, but we're busy that night). when we got to the resteraunt, we signed in and stood off to the side to wait to be seated. right then, the object of my torment came in. then stood next to me.
my heart fell to the floor. there i was with my wife and children. all i wanted to do was to reach out and, well, i don't really know what i wanted to do. but i'm sure it wouldn't have reflected well on my good christian name.
then, the host was nice enough to seat us in such a place that when i looked up from my table, i was face to face with the monster that i have been wrestling with. i decided to go to the restroom. then, realized that to do this, i had to go right past him.
it took a few minutes to restore myself. when i came back, my wife asked if we should go. but i told her no because i really felt that God had to be doing something, because it had been about 10 years since the last time. have you ever wondered why God thinks you are stronger than you do?
anyway, they left. my family and i tried to finish the evening in better moods.
later that night, lying in bed. my wife and i cried and prayed together. i really can't express how much stronger she makes me. but today, i woke up feeling like a new man.
i must say, i think with some degree of certainty, that if the monster isn't dead, he has definately been defeated. i think that the only way to win, was for God to put me face to face. i had to see for myself that he couldn't hurt me anymore. had to know that i was safe. that my family was safe.
there are a lot of things that have to be left out to protect others. many things said and done that would help you to understand. but just know this. i could not have won this battle without your help. i could never have come face to face with the monster and walked out unscathed if i hadn't had friends praying for me. i believe that the battle is over. i believe that victory is finally mine. i believe that the effectual ferverant prayers of the righteous have availed much. i believe that i have true friends who each kept their words and prayed for me, that God would give me strength. and i am more thankful to you than words could ever express.
i have finally come face to face with the monster, and i am no longer afraid.
i love you all.
God bless.
O.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
new outlook, from an old place!
hey guys!
i know, i know. it's been a long time. i'm sorry. i missed you too ;>)
today, i want to tell you something that i came across recently. you see, i love to read. i generally read about a book a week or more. i recently finished a series that a friend of mine got me totally hooked on, so i found myself without a book to read. (read, not study) when this happens, i usually either read my bible or i've started reading old classics. you know the ones. the ones that are talked about so much that you think you know what's in them so you don't need to read them.
well, in doing this i have read some great books. "hamlet" "romeo and juliet" "animal farm" "1984" "the sport of the gods (by paul lawrence dunbar)" and my 2 favorite book of all time second only to the bible "uncle tom's cabin". by the way, if you've never read uncle tom's cabin, it is a must read.
anyway, i was picking out a couple of books at the library, and i picked up "the count of monte cristo" and i wanted one more. for some reason, i saw "robinson crusoe" and in my head heard the theme song from gilligan's isle. ya know "like robinson crusoe, as primative as can be" so i decided to pick it up.
here is my point, i'm like 80 pages into the book and robinson is stranded on the island, alone with only supplies and a few books. like 3 bibles. and he has been on the island for 10 months trying to figure out what to do with his problem. he finally starts reading one of the bibles and ends up crying out to Jesus for salvation. next thing ya know, he's not feeling so desperate anymore and he makes probably one of the most profound statements that i have ever heard. he says "DELIVERANCE FROM SIN IS A GREATER BLESSING THAN DELIVERANCE FROM AFFLICTION"
wow.
you know, sometimes we can get so caught up in our day to day struggles. with our daily battles. fighting the monster that lives within us. and crying out to God to save us from ....... that we seem to forget that He already has. He has delivered us from the most devastating thing in our lives. He has delivered us, from our sin. and quite honestly, even if He doesn't free us from the afflictions in this life, it is a greater blessing that He has delivered us from Hell. both in this life, and the next.
just something to think about.
God bless
O.
i know, i know. it's been a long time. i'm sorry. i missed you too ;>)
today, i want to tell you something that i came across recently. you see, i love to read. i generally read about a book a week or more. i recently finished a series that a friend of mine got me totally hooked on, so i found myself without a book to read. (read, not study) when this happens, i usually either read my bible or i've started reading old classics. you know the ones. the ones that are talked about so much that you think you know what's in them so you don't need to read them.
well, in doing this i have read some great books. "hamlet" "romeo and juliet" "animal farm" "1984" "the sport of the gods (by paul lawrence dunbar)" and my 2 favorite book of all time second only to the bible "uncle tom's cabin". by the way, if you've never read uncle tom's cabin, it is a must read.
anyway, i was picking out a couple of books at the library, and i picked up "the count of monte cristo" and i wanted one more. for some reason, i saw "robinson crusoe" and in my head heard the theme song from gilligan's isle. ya know "like robinson crusoe, as primative as can be" so i decided to pick it up.
here is my point, i'm like 80 pages into the book and robinson is stranded on the island, alone with only supplies and a few books. like 3 bibles. and he has been on the island for 10 months trying to figure out what to do with his problem. he finally starts reading one of the bibles and ends up crying out to Jesus for salvation. next thing ya know, he's not feeling so desperate anymore and he makes probably one of the most profound statements that i have ever heard. he says "DELIVERANCE FROM SIN IS A GREATER BLESSING THAN DELIVERANCE FROM AFFLICTION"
wow.
you know, sometimes we can get so caught up in our day to day struggles. with our daily battles. fighting the monster that lives within us. and crying out to God to save us from ....... that we seem to forget that He already has. He has delivered us from the most devastating thing in our lives. He has delivered us, from our sin. and quite honestly, even if He doesn't free us from the afflictions in this life, it is a greater blessing that He has delivered us from Hell. both in this life, and the next.
just something to think about.
God bless
O.
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