you are my hope

so hey, this month, in children's ministry, we are teaching the kids about hope. so i ask myself, what exactly does that mean. what does it mean to have hope? why should i have hope? is there really anything left in the world to have hope in? or have we as a human race become so jaded that we see life as hopeless?

i mean, really! the economy is going down the tubes. the world, as a whole, seems to be at war. people all around me are losing their jobs. loved ones are getting bad health reports. shucks, even i had to go to the hospital and have my appendix removed a couple weeks ago. so, really, where can we find hope.

i've had several conversations in the last couple of weeks with people that i truly love and respect. (no, not just YOU ;) btw) and they are totally disheartened. they seem to be losing their faith because of things going on in their church. and they are on the path to being some of those old bitter sourpuss christians that we all know (and love (: ). where is the HOPE?

i must admit, there have been times when my faith was shaken. there have been times when i blamed God for the shortcomings of His people. and there have been times when i have even asked God, "are we really worth the trouble?" and every time, He gently reminds me, "yes, my son, YOU were worth it all".

you see, i have no delusions of grandeur. i know that i am just as bad as the people that almost made me bitter. i've hurt others. i've discouraged others. i've let others down. and i've broken their hearts. not intentionally, of course. but i am human, just like them. the thing that we need to understand, is that, most of the time, when we are hurt, it was NOT intentional. like the old saying goes "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". sometimes, when we are wounded by "friendly fire" it is not so much "on purpose" as it is "a fallen human was involved".

that is why the bible tells us not to put our faith in men. that is why we know that Jesus, not the pastor, or the deacon, or the assistant pastor, or the woman in the third row, etc. etc etc, is our savior, and is the one who we should look to. is the one that our faith should be in.

how many of you remember the late 80's and early 90's????? were you old enough to remember all of the televangelists that fell? and ALL of the people who fell away from the church. i mean, who remembers the group "suicidal tendencies" song "send me your money"? and ozzy osbournes' song "miracle man"? it seemed like the whole world lost sight of Christ because a few highly placed preachers, fell from grace. lost sight of the savior. my question is this, why did the world fall away? was it because Christ let them down, or because their faith was in men?

billy graham once said that "the greatest cause of atheism in the world today is christians, who say that Jesus lives, then deny that he does by their lifestyle" how true is that? i wrote a blog a long time ago that asked the question "are christians their own worst enemies?" and covered this before. so, i have to ask again, where can we find hope?

2 of my favorite groups are third day and skillet. (yeah, i know) and 2 songs that by them that i love are "my hope is you (td)" and "you are my hope (S)". it really doesn't get any simpler than that. when you are all out of hope, there is really only one place to find it. if you are tired, there is only one place to find rest. if you are scared, there is only one place to find comfort. and if you are hurting, there is only one place to find healing. it is not in yourself, it is not in a bar, it is not in a bed, it is not on the road, it is not on the run. and i've said this a thousand times before. but if you are finally at the end of yourself, and your tired of running. the best place to run, is home. to the loving, waiting arms of YOUR savior. because it truly is only there that you will ever find hope. and the hope that you are desperately searching for is there waiting for you.

i love you all
much love
theoldmusicbox

I'm dying, so i'm writing my own eulogy

not anytime soon, but, yes, i am dying. you see, i have this condition that there has no cure. and i am hopeless to fight it. my condition is called humanity. and my demise is because of the side effects of this thing called sin.

sorry for the heart stopping title, but now that i've got your attention, let me tell you what has been on my heart lately.

one of my best friends, and most loved people in the whole world has lost 2 people that she loved dearly in the last month. both to cancer. a guy that i work with is watching his wife slowly lose that same battle. the girl who lives next door to me is suffering from kidney failure and is waiting for a transplant, and she has only been home 6 days of the new year so far. and now, she has to sit around dying, praying that someone else that matches her blood types and other factors has a bad accident and dies, and is also a donor so that she can live. how bad would that suck? i can't even imagine being in that position. and, my mother just had double by-pass surgery.

where is God in all of this? why does He let these things happen? Why doesn't He just save us all?

how many times have i posed these questions to God? the best answer that i can give is this. death, sickness, pain, and heartache are all in this world because of sin. we live in a fallen world. full of sin. and the wages of sin is death. so, hey, i guess that since i am a sinner (even though saved by grace), one of these days, i'm going to get paid. unless Jesus comes back before payday, or i go out like elijah (and really, how cool would that be?). no matter if i lose weight and take better care of myself. i'm still dying. (that's no excuse to not take care of yourself by the way) but it's true.

i heard a song today. one of the lines really caught my attention. it said "i wish this moment wouldn't be me dying, but me spending a little time with you" that is the kind of attitude that i want to have.

so, if i die, i don't want it to be an event that is devastating to people. i don't want people mourning me for months and months. i don't want people being angry at God because He took me. i don't want my funeral to be a mourning of my DEATH, i want it to be a celebration of my LIFE. i want people to be thankful to God that He allowed me to be in their lives for however long it was.

and honestly, if remembering me makes your teardrops fall, then please, don't remember me at all.

i want to be remembered as a man who loved God more than his own life. a man who loved his wife with every ounce of my being. a man who cherished my children so much that i sacrificed all i had to make them happy and gave all that i could to lead them to Christ. a friend who could always seem to make you smile. give that encouraging word when you needed it. and help you learn to hear from God for yourself. the minister that cried with you, laughed with you, prayed with you, worshiped with you and tried his best to leave you with something to think about. the singer who could move you with his spirit as much as his voice. and the writer who wrote the things that you just couldn't seem to put into words.

let that be my eulogy. to live is Christ, but to die is gain. and, while i don't want to die, i don't want to be mad when it happens :)

these are just a few things that have been on my mind lately.
much love
theoldmusicbox

hey, i didn't fall off of the planet!!

well, it sure has been a crazy last couple of months hasn't it. i'm happy to say that baby bethany is home and doing great. she's up to 8 pounds now. wow, that's a long way from 3 pounds 4.5 ounces. oh yeah, she was suppose to be born last saturday. oops, only missed that one by about 2 and a half months. hey, maybe that means that she'll always be ready to go early or on time. well, she is still a female so i guess i shouldn't get my hopes up.

anyway, what have i been thinking about for these last couple of months. i sure haven't been blogging. mostly because i've been praying, or taking care of family, or trying to work or sleep, or (shhhhh) both at the same time (oops).

i have been thinking that i am the most blessed man on the planet.
even through all of the craziness. and all of the heartwrenching ache of doubt and fear that tried to tear apart my soul during the dark hours. i never felt abandoned. i never felt alone.

through the whole mess, i felt the hand of God firmly on my shoulder. He gave me strength to get through, to care for my wife, to care for all of my children (who, by the way, have taught me a newfound respect for single parents. i would never survive, God bless you all) i was reminded time and time again, that, "His strength is made perfect in my weakness". my friends, i have mastered the whole "weakness" part. and am thanking God daily for His strength.

be back soon
much love
theoldmusicbox

where is God?

ok, here's the deal. if you've read my stuff lately, you kinda know some of the things i've been dealing with. since i asked the questions "why" last week, i felt like i needed to continue on that vein this week. if nothing else, just to show everyone that i am, in fact, ok.

where is God?

how many times have you been asked that question? how many times have you asked it yourself?

the truth of the matter is, that we all have those moments. you know the ones. when we have borne all that we feel like we can bear. when we have finally come to the end of ourself. when we finally cry out, "dear God!!!! can you hear me????? are you there?? are you listening??

even one of my favorite bible heroes had that feeling. elijah the prophet hid in a cave, scared and trembling because he feared men. then elisha the prophet, after elijah was taken in the chariot of fire. he felt abandoned. in 2nd kings chapter 2. he took the mantel of elijah and hit the waters and said "where is the God of elijah?"

isn't it amazing. after everything that elijah and elisha had witnessed. raising of dead children. fire from heaven. among other things. they doubted the very presence of God in their lives at times. did that make them any less of a man of God? no. it made them human.

i am trying to put a video up here. i don't know if it will work, or if it is just a link. if it doesn't work, go to youtube and search for joshua bell, it will be the first one that comes up. check it out. then finish reading.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnOPu0_YWhw

the violinist is joshua bell. he is the 1 violinist in the country, possibly the world. the violin he is playing was made in the early 1700's. it is worth over 3.5 million dollars. the cheap seats to his concert sell for $100. after the subway he played a sold out concert.

in the subway, he was barely noticed at all. he played for 45 minutes and people thought that he was a street player and in 45 minutes people placed less than $35 in his violin case! this man usually receives $1000 a minute to perform. and almost all of the people in the subway that day didn't even notice him.

it is just like that with God. we have something truly amazing right within our grasp. right here where we are. trying desperately to reach out to us. and what do we do? we turn away. act like we don't see. don't hear. why? because we know that if we look, if we notice, it may just cost us something. the people that noticed mr. bell recieved a concert that would have cost several hundred dollars. for spare change they had in their pockets. and received a few moments of beautiful music.

but if we would just open our eyes to the amazing God who is in our reach, it may cost us our lives, but it will win us eternity.

just remember, when you feel like God is nowhere to be found, He may just be right in front of your eyes. desperately trying to get your attention.

much love
theoldmusicbox