I'm dying, so i'm writing my own eulogy

not anytime soon, but, yes, i am dying. you see, i have this condition that there has no cure. and i am hopeless to fight it. my condition is called humanity. and my demise is because of the side effects of this thing called sin.

sorry for the heart stopping title, but now that i've got your attention, let me tell you what has been on my heart lately.

one of my best friends, and most loved people in the whole world has lost 2 people that she loved dearly in the last month. both to cancer. a guy that i work with is watching his wife slowly lose that same battle. the girl who lives next door to me is suffering from kidney failure and is waiting for a transplant, and she has only been home 6 days of the new year so far. and now, she has to sit around dying, praying that someone else that matches her blood types and other factors has a bad accident and dies, and is also a donor so that she can live. how bad would that suck? i can't even imagine being in that position. and, my mother just had double by-pass surgery.

where is God in all of this? why does He let these things happen? Why doesn't He just save us all?

how many times have i posed these questions to God? the best answer that i can give is this. death, sickness, pain, and heartache are all in this world because of sin. we live in a fallen world. full of sin. and the wages of sin is death. so, hey, i guess that since i am a sinner (even though saved by grace), one of these days, i'm going to get paid. unless Jesus comes back before payday, or i go out like elijah (and really, how cool would that be?). no matter if i lose weight and take better care of myself. i'm still dying. (that's no excuse to not take care of yourself by the way) but it's true.

i heard a song today. one of the lines really caught my attention. it said "i wish this moment wouldn't be me dying, but me spending a little time with you" that is the kind of attitude that i want to have.

so, if i die, i don't want it to be an event that is devastating to people. i don't want people mourning me for months and months. i don't want people being angry at God because He took me. i don't want my funeral to be a mourning of my DEATH, i want it to be a celebration of my LIFE. i want people to be thankful to God that He allowed me to be in their lives for however long it was.

and honestly, if remembering me makes your teardrops fall, then please, don't remember me at all.

i want to be remembered as a man who loved God more than his own life. a man who loved his wife with every ounce of my being. a man who cherished my children so much that i sacrificed all i had to make them happy and gave all that i could to lead them to Christ. a friend who could always seem to make you smile. give that encouraging word when you needed it. and help you learn to hear from God for yourself. the minister that cried with you, laughed with you, prayed with you, worshiped with you and tried his best to leave you with something to think about. the singer who could move you with his spirit as much as his voice. and the writer who wrote the things that you just couldn't seem to put into words.

let that be my eulogy. to live is Christ, but to die is gain. and, while i don't want to die, i don't want to be mad when it happens :)

these are just a few things that have been on my mind lately.
much love
theoldmusicbox

carry me home

hey everybody.

wow.
that's really all that i can say.

sunday night, i finally got to preach a sermon that's been on my heart for quite some time. it was titled "Jesus said NO". while it didn't go quite the way that i had imagined it, it went exactly how God needed it to. and i am very thankful for that.

after the sermon, i was happy to see both my nephew and my dad at the alter, among several others who had responded to the word of God. also there were teens from Evangel that made recommitments to Christ. and much to my joy, there were broken people that were set free. and one certain person in particular.

you see, while i didn't know who it was, i new that God was sending me to minister there, on that night, for a specific reason. for a specific person. and i am thankful that they were open to the word of God.

i struggled during my sermon with whether or not to share a personal battle that i had faced several years ago. but God kept pressing me that it was something that would touch someone. finally, i told of a time when i had "lost" myself in my christian life. and the cause of it, and the pain and hopelessness that i had felt at that time. and i told of how God brought me through it.

during alter service, a woman came to the front, in tears, and told me that she was going through the exact same battle, and that i had described her feelings of despair like i had read her mind. i knew where she was. because i had been there and survived to tell of it. i was able to pray with her. and pray over her. and offer her hope. peace. joy. and the heart of Christ.

one of my favorite poems is the "footprints" poem. the one where, at the end, Jesus says "my precious child. i love you, and would never leave you. in the times when you saw only one set of prints, it was then that i carried you."

i can offer no better offer of hope than that. if you are tired. if you are broken. if you are lost. if you feel forgotten. if you feel hopeless. if you don't know how to stand anymore. you are not alone. it is in those moments that we realize the truth of the scripture that says "My strength is made perfect in weakness." because it is then. at that moment, that He can show us how much He loves us. by picking us up. cradling us in his arms. and carrying us home.

so if you are there. look up to heaven, and say Lord, i'm tired. i'm hurting. i'm sad. please, i have no strength left to stand. will you carry me home? and see if He doesn't cradle you, and carry you home.

much love.
theoldmusicbox

hey, i didn't fall off of the planet!!

well, it sure has been a crazy last couple of months hasn't it. i'm happy to say that baby bethany is home and doing great. she's up to 8 pounds now. wow, that's a long way from 3 pounds 4.5 ounces. oh yeah, she was suppose to be born last saturday. oops, only missed that one by about 2 and a half months. hey, maybe that means that she'll always be ready to go early or on time. well, she is still a female so i guess i shouldn't get my hopes up.

anyway, what have i been thinking about for these last couple of months. i sure haven't been blogging. mostly because i've been praying, or taking care of family, or trying to work or sleep, or (shhhhh) both at the same time (oops).

i have been thinking that i am the most blessed man on the planet.
even through all of the craziness. and all of the heartwrenching ache of doubt and fear that tried to tear apart my soul during the dark hours. i never felt abandoned. i never felt alone.

through the whole mess, i felt the hand of God firmly on my shoulder. He gave me strength to get through, to care for my wife, to care for all of my children (who, by the way, have taught me a newfound respect for single parents. i would never survive, God bless you all) i was reminded time and time again, that, "His strength is made perfect in my weakness". my friends, i have mastered the whole "weakness" part. and am thanking God daily for His strength.

be back soon
much love
theoldmusicbox

coming soon

hey everybody!!

i know, i know, i know. it's been, like, 3 months since my last blog. i apologize, really, i do.

it has been absolutely insane around here though. first, my wife's water broke almost 3 months early, then a whole host of other things. but, now, everything is fine. my 'fun-sized' baby, who by the way does NOT have leigh in her name, (tsk, tsk) is home and doin't great. she is almost normal sized now and growing more everyday.

although i haven't had time to blog, trust me when i say, i've had plenty of time to think. so, there will be some interesting blogs coming soon. i have much to be thankful for. much to look forward to, and nothing more to fear.

talk to you SOON.
theoldmusicbox.