hey guys.
before i begin, i need to say a few things. i know that i've been asking for prayer for the last 3 months, and not been able to give many details. let me explain. this monster that i have been fighting, was a very personal matter that involved more than just myself. that is why i can't give details about it. to do that would deeply hurt someone, and that, i cannot do, so i ask for your forgiveness and patience.
for a long time now, i have had serious issues with a certain person. God has been dealing with my heart about this for sometime. i have tried to be forgiving, i have tried to let the past be in the past. i have tried all that i know to do. but deep inside of me, lies bitterness and hatred, and hurt that, no matter how hard i tried, i just couldn't be freed from. it seemed that no matter how desperately i prayed or how sincere i was in my resolve, i just couldn't be free.
i know what you're thinking, "hey, you're a minister. how can you be like that?" well, honestly, i've asked myself the same thing many times. some hurts go so deep that no matter how godly you are, you still struggle with grace, mercy and forgiveness. what can i say? Oh wretched man that i am? i'm not trying to justify myself. but, i am saying that i'm not trying to hold on to these things. i desperately want to be free from it. and i appreciate everyone's prayers.
now, i have to ask all of my friends. which one of you was praying for me between 6 and 7 p.m. on friday night Nov. 9?
on friday night, my family and i went out to celebrate my birthday (it's actually on this coming wednesday, but we're busy that night). when we got to the resteraunt, we signed in and stood off to the side to wait to be seated. right then, the object of my torment came in. then stood next to me.
my heart fell to the floor. there i was with my wife and children. all i wanted to do was to reach out and, well, i don't really know what i wanted to do. but i'm sure it wouldn't have reflected well on my good christian name.
then, the host was nice enough to seat us in such a place that when i looked up from my table, i was face to face with the monster that i have been wrestling with. i decided to go to the restroom. then, realized that to do this, i had to go right past him.
it took a few minutes to restore myself. when i came back, my wife asked if we should go. but i told her no because i really felt that God had to be doing something, because it had been about 10 years since the last time. have you ever wondered why God thinks you are stronger than you do?
anyway, they left. my family and i tried to finish the evening in better moods.
later that night, lying in bed. my wife and i cried and prayed together. i really can't express how much stronger she makes me. but today, i woke up feeling like a new man.
i must say, i think with some degree of certainty, that if the monster isn't dead, he has definately been defeated. i think that the only way to win, was for God to put me face to face. i had to see for myself that he couldn't hurt me anymore. had to know that i was safe. that my family was safe.
there are a lot of things that have to be left out to protect others. many things said and done that would help you to understand. but just know this. i could not have won this battle without your help. i could never have come face to face with the monster and walked out unscathed if i hadn't had friends praying for me. i believe that the battle is over. i believe that victory is finally mine. i believe that the effectual ferverant prayers of the righteous have availed much. i believe that i have true friends who each kept their words and prayed for me, that God would give me strength. and i am more thankful to you than words could ever express.
i have finally come face to face with the monster, and i am no longer afraid.
i love you all.
God bless.
O.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
new outlook, from an old place!
hey guys!
i know, i know. it's been a long time. i'm sorry. i missed you too ;>)
today, i want to tell you something that i came across recently. you see, i love to read. i generally read about a book a week or more. i recently finished a series that a friend of mine got me totally hooked on, so i found myself without a book to read. (read, not study) when this happens, i usually either read my bible or i've started reading old classics. you know the ones. the ones that are talked about so much that you think you know what's in them so you don't need to read them.
well, in doing this i have read some great books. "hamlet" "romeo and juliet" "animal farm" "1984" "the sport of the gods (by paul lawrence dunbar)" and my 2 favorite book of all time second only to the bible "uncle tom's cabin". by the way, if you've never read uncle tom's cabin, it is a must read.
anyway, i was picking out a couple of books at the library, and i picked up "the count of monte cristo" and i wanted one more. for some reason, i saw "robinson crusoe" and in my head heard the theme song from gilligan's isle. ya know "like robinson crusoe, as primative as can be" so i decided to pick it up.
here is my point, i'm like 80 pages into the book and robinson is stranded on the island, alone with only supplies and a few books. like 3 bibles. and he has been on the island for 10 months trying to figure out what to do with his problem. he finally starts reading one of the bibles and ends up crying out to Jesus for salvation. next thing ya know, he's not feeling so desperate anymore and he makes probably one of the most profound statements that i have ever heard. he says "DELIVERANCE FROM SIN IS A GREATER BLESSING THAN DELIVERANCE FROM AFFLICTION"
wow.
you know, sometimes we can get so caught up in our day to day struggles. with our daily battles. fighting the monster that lives within us. and crying out to God to save us from ....... that we seem to forget that He already has. He has delivered us from the most devastating thing in our lives. He has delivered us, from our sin. and quite honestly, even if He doesn't free us from the afflictions in this life, it is a greater blessing that He has delivered us from Hell. both in this life, and the next.
just something to think about.
God bless
O.
i know, i know. it's been a long time. i'm sorry. i missed you too ;>)
today, i want to tell you something that i came across recently. you see, i love to read. i generally read about a book a week or more. i recently finished a series that a friend of mine got me totally hooked on, so i found myself without a book to read. (read, not study) when this happens, i usually either read my bible or i've started reading old classics. you know the ones. the ones that are talked about so much that you think you know what's in them so you don't need to read them.
well, in doing this i have read some great books. "hamlet" "romeo and juliet" "animal farm" "1984" "the sport of the gods (by paul lawrence dunbar)" and my 2 favorite book of all time second only to the bible "uncle tom's cabin". by the way, if you've never read uncle tom's cabin, it is a must read.
anyway, i was picking out a couple of books at the library, and i picked up "the count of monte cristo" and i wanted one more. for some reason, i saw "robinson crusoe" and in my head heard the theme song from gilligan's isle. ya know "like robinson crusoe, as primative as can be" so i decided to pick it up.
here is my point, i'm like 80 pages into the book and robinson is stranded on the island, alone with only supplies and a few books. like 3 bibles. and he has been on the island for 10 months trying to figure out what to do with his problem. he finally starts reading one of the bibles and ends up crying out to Jesus for salvation. next thing ya know, he's not feeling so desperate anymore and he makes probably one of the most profound statements that i have ever heard. he says "DELIVERANCE FROM SIN IS A GREATER BLESSING THAN DELIVERANCE FROM AFFLICTION"
wow.
you know, sometimes we can get so caught up in our day to day struggles. with our daily battles. fighting the monster that lives within us. and crying out to God to save us from ....... that we seem to forget that He already has. He has delivered us from the most devastating thing in our lives. He has delivered us, from our sin. and quite honestly, even if He doesn't free us from the afflictions in this life, it is a greater blessing that He has delivered us from Hell. both in this life, and the next.
just something to think about.
God bless
O.
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